So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
