So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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