I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
