whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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