If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
