he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
