trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
