remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
