o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
