the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
