i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
