I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
