So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
