Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I can't put those talents on a resume
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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