After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
