Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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