Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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