Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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