ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
