I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
