Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
