That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
