cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
