i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
