Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
