No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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