I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
