found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
