oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We left an ass print on the piano.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
MIDGETS
????
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
