On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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