I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
