areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
