I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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