I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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