This girl is more easily done than said...
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
