i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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