If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
