I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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