We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
