You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
