I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
