Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
