On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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