When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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