God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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