he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
