how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
