you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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