do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
