I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
