Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
