I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
