Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
