Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
