Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
