So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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