Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
