She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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