Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
