first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
