the condom got lost in my hair
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
